1. Commit murder
2. Be nice to your bitch of a mother
3. Get tested for STDs
4. Perform euthanasia
5. Require a "safe word"
6. Sit through another one of your boring lectures
7. Attend a taping of Rosie O'Donnell's new show
8. Get a vasectomy
9. Promise to always be faithful
10. Give you up, let you down, run around and desert you
11. Sign a prenup
12. Seek treatment for my destructive drug habits
13. Donate to you a kidney
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