1. Glance around awkwardly, try to think of how not to be awkward
2. Blow out the candles prematurely
3. Take note of those not singing, get revenge later
4. Try to hide erection
5. Act like you are the conductor
6. Caress your nipples and moan
7. Sing along, but louder than everyone else
8. Fake a few laughs, hide your resentment
9. Sneeze on the cake
10. Stare intently at just one person, never blink
11. Pull out cell phone and post about how lame your party is
12. Interrupt grandma, remind her that you're at a funeral and that it's not your birthday
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