Listless Lists: Excuses For Being Late To Work

1. Received surprise morning blowjob
2. Slipped in shower, knocked self out, woke up in pool of blood
3. The usual...bad traffic, caught by a train, had hangover, etc.
4. Experienced sudden bout of explosive diarrhea 
5. Don't get paid by the hour, so no real motivation to show up on time
6. Accidentally ran over pedestrian, had to dispose of the body
7. Had unexpected nose bleed from morning cocaine hit
8. Woke up with temporary blindness due to low blood sugar
9. Was too sad, for about an hour, after eating a fiber bar for breakfast
10. Pulled over by the cops, apparently fit the description of a criminal on the loose
11. Left testicle retracted up into body, took a while to "milk" it safely back down